Monday, January 16, 2012


Politics make me want to SCREAM! (and I do)
Sometimes I feel like people are most closed minded during the election season.
All I have to say is I am pretty darn glad I am countries away right now.
Cause I am getting enough of it just through social media.

Chris goes to work at 8pm which leaves me to the sacred duty of putting Taimi to sleep.
I regard these nights with reverence and hold them so close to my heart.
I don't let Taimi cry it out I never have and I don't think I ever will.
I can't handle it emotionally something about her reaching for me or crying through the cracks of the door "momma please momma please"
I can't stand the thought of her crying out FOR MY PRESENCE, MY VOICE, MY TOUCH.
I have experimented with letting her cry it out I have gone 10 20 or 30 minutes but I always cave.
I feel crummy when I fall sleep crying.
Sometimes I think that maybe if she falls asleep crying like that she might have a nightmare.
I know I am so dramatic.
But the moment I walk in she stops crying she reaches for me cuddles up next to me grasps my neck, arm, hand anything she can get a hold of she holds on so tight for fear I will leave her alone, again.
I won't and I haven't.
There is nothing I would rather do. There is nothing better I could spend my time doing.
Some might think what about time with your husband, he is at work. But even if he wasn't I have forever to spend with him but only a limited time with Taimi. She will grow up, eventually leave home and have her own little girl and family to snuggle up to.

I lay next to her every single night until she falls asleep.
She cuddles up to me so close no matter where she nuzzles herself in we fit together perfectly
I breath really slowly trying to get her to mimic my breathing while stroking her hair
Sometimes I hum or sing to her
Sometimes she tickles my face until she falls asleep
Sometimes I tickle hers
Most the time she likes to have our foreheads touching
If the moon is bright enough I lay there and watch her fall into sweet dreams
Sometimes she falls asleep in 5 minutes and sometimes it takes her an hour but I usually know the moment she is asleep.
You know how you can tell microwavable popcorn is done? That is one of the ways I can tell Taimi is asleep when there is 10+ seconds between the sucking of her fingers
or her wet fingers will all a sudden fall out of her mouth onto me.

I remember when I was little I loved to be tickled to sleep. I slept on the top bunk and no matter how tired my Dad was from school AND work AND walking from bus stop to bus stop he would stand at the edge of my bed and tickle me to sleep. I remember those nights super well. I know there was a million other things he needed and wanted to do
(eat, relax, do homework, spend time with my Mom ect)
but he was there with me in our dark room staying with me until I was asleep
I like that after all these years I still can look back and say that he stayed.


Lindy said...

Ashley...I love this post! Everyone tries to make me feel guilty for doing this with Blake. He has never cried it out either. Everyone tells me I should do it with my next baby. I don't think I will. I just can't bear it. Blake saying, "just give me one more hug. i just need a kiss," melts my heart. So thank you for this! The ultimate saying from everyone, "You just have to do what works for you." Is a nice way of saying, "I don't agree, but if it works for you that's great." Well, I don't agree with letting my precious child who loves me and counts on me for comfort to be left alone screaming until he finally gives up and falls asleep. Love you so much and miss you!

pam e.lemon said...

Ashley,once again you made me realize how precious life is and how much i long to be with my daughter.every night when i say my prayers i thank my father in heaven that another is over and that i've come one step closer of being reunited with her.cherish every single moment you have with are doing a great job raising her in faith and she will grow up to be a special young woman just like her beautiful you both you and taimi and chris of course