Friday, June 7, 2013


Zuzu is 4 months old and 10.5 lbs.

She had a sedated echocardiogram on June 4th. Taimi the night before threw up all over herself and her bed so we gave her a bath and got her clean sheets. Between feeding Zuzu, pumping, and taking care of Taimi we were going on about 3 hours of sleep. In order to take care of both kids I went to the hospital with ZuZu while Chris stayed home with Taimi so she could get some sleep. ZuZu and I had to be at the hospital at 7am. She couldn't eat for 4 hours before the sedation so Zuzu was staving.
They were not ready to sedate her till 8:20. ZuZu is the best sport she is so cooperative. she was smiling and talking to the 2 nurses hovering over her when all a sudden they stick in her IV. ZuZu never cries! So when she does its scary and heart breaking especially when it's a stupid needle in her arm. Sometimes that's the hardest part. I can't really explain to her what's going on I can't prepare her or warn her.

 Zuzu and I have an amazing connection.

No matter the reason for the tears the moment we are in each others arms we both stop crying. And this was no exception. I held Zuzu until she drifted to sleep choking back sobs. After which I laid her down express my concern that they need to kept her warm and then walked to the nearest empty room to cry. I wished I wasn't alone. I cried and cried wanting to be the one with the punk heart!

I called my Mom cause Chris wasn't answering. It took me a few minutes on the line to stop crying so i could get a word out.
My mom saved the day picked up Taimi so Chris could come and hold me (together).

He is my glue! When he is around I feel capable and adequate. The echo showed that Zuzu is ready for her surgery. I'm just waiting for the hospital to call so we can schedule it. I got this HUGE packet in the mail telling me what to expect and prepare for on surgery day and during recovery. I can't get through two words before my eyes are blurred and the papers get wet from my tears. I keep thinking how I can't do this! I'm just not strong enough. so i just keep moving forward with hope and faith and a whole lotta trust.


She is and will always be in the best of hands.


Diva Loca said...

Stay strong mama. She will surprise you! When our little dude was just two weeks old, we found out he needed emergency cardiac surgery. We were blindsided. We quickly had him baptized and he was prepped for surgery 36 hours after the diagnosis. It hurt to breathe. My heart had never felt so broken. I understand the feeling of thinking you can't do it - only you can and you will. It's going to be so scary and your heart will break over and over, but then it gets better. It gets so much better. Keep the faith, it really does get easier. Our dude is now just over two and all spunk!

JessECo said...

You can get thru thi, you can!!! You are a wonderful mom with your priorities straight. Deep beaths!

Anonymous said...

The smaller the baby, the more painful the injection. And Zuzu is very small.
The needles are just too large for their tiny blood vessels. Sometimes the experience is better if they take blood from the ankle. I went through a similair experience when my daughter was a baby. It was pure anguish. That night she had a nightmare, and was crying out and struggling as she did during the procedure. I hovered over her, not sure if I should wake her up or not.
I finally decided not to interrupt, hoping that completion of the dream would help resolve her terror. And I think it did, to some extent, because she never had a 'struggling' type of nightmare again. I am holding Zuzu in the light tonight, as I think of her following surgery.