Thursday, April 7, 2011

Remembering Missing and Wishing

It's my Daddy's birthday today (April 7)
it's been 15 years since he passed away.
It seems to get more difficult as time goes on because I begin to forget.
I forget his laugh or the way he smells. I forget the sound of his voice or the way his skin felt.
But I can still remember no matter how tired he was after a long day at work and bus ride home not to mention the walk from the bus stop he would always willingly stand by my bed and tickle my back so lovingly until I fell asleep.
Or the way he would Hoover closely over his scriptures and books with his thick reading glasses so he could read the text.
I will never forget the way he would hang his head and close his eyes when he heard a good song or when he was playing the piano.
Or when he would get up and bare his testimony at church.

I miss him! I miss him more than I can bare.

This year I will be away from my family which seems to make it that much more difficult.

There are things I wish with all my heart.
I wish he could see how much I learned from him and how much I miss him.
I wish he could see me tickle Taimi to sleep or dance with her to ELO Mr Blue Sky.
I wish he could see and feel the love I have for my God and Savior.
I wish he could meet the people on my mission I taught and baptized or meet my mission president and his wife.
I wish I could sit him down and show him all the places I have been.
I wish he could just hold me and comfort me especially today on his birthday.

I know one day I will get to do all these things with him.
But until that day I will continue to wish...

I love you Daddy!!

6 comments:

Allison J Brown said...

This is really beautiful Ashley, Thank you for sharing on your blog :)

kbear68 said...

I was thinking of him today too. Remember, he will always love you. I'm sure he is very proud of you and the life you are living.

Dana Dastrup said...

First that made me tear up!! But know that He does see you and does know all of the amazing things you are doing right now! Ash I know he is so proud of you and has a huge grin on his face right now! Sure do love and miss you lot's!

Jonathan and Kiri said...

Oh Ash! This is so tender and so sweet. There is so much power in the love we have for each other in our families. I am so grateful for your faith in seeing your loving dad again! You look so much like him. I hadn't seen a picture of him before this post and I am so surprised at how similar your eyes are.
How perfect for you to share that feature when you want so badly for his eyes to behold those blessings in your life. But that's just it - he does see them. Because just like you will always have your daddy's eyes, you will always be your daddy's daughter and he will always be watching over you!

I love you to death Ash!

{lindy baker cakes} said...

Ashley,

I love you. What a beautiful post. I can't imagine how it must be to not have your dad here with you, but he is closer than it probably feels at time. I'm sure he is with you every step of the way. It's such a great feeling that families are forever. I love you so much.

Lindy

eyelift said...

Definitely you would be missed your father so much. I wished them happy birthday.