Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Feeling too much

July 1, 2013 was the hardest day.  ZuZu under went open heart surgery.

The night before I wouldn't let her out of my grasp. 
The nurses brought us into small room to get her vitals and talk about the surgery. The moment I saw Zuzu's new digs I could barley hold it together. Endless tears streamed down my face has I got her dressed. That was the moment it really hit me. In a few minutes I will have to say goodbye and hand my little baby over to doctors who will hold Zuzu's life and future in their hands. 
She was so affectionate and cuddly like always. I had to Chanel powers from heaven to make it to a chair after saying goodbye. Luckily Chris was there to help hold me up and steady me.
They gave us name tags to identify us. I love being identified has Zuzu's Mommy.
They gave us a pager and updated us every hour. When this pager beeped my heart would jump out of my chest. Every time!!
I spent most the surgery outside distracted by these good supporters. The surgery went O.K.. It was almost 9 hours and was only supposed to be 4. So she has had a difficult time recovering from being on a bypass machine for so long. But she is! She was smiling and laughing yesterday!

These were all her meds that she had to be on. Now she is only on Tylonal and a dietetic.
She had a breathing tube, 3 chest tubes, 2 IV's, and one brave soul!!! Now she has no tubes.
Taimi is incredible! She is handling being passed around so well. I miss her! Zuzu couldn't have asked for a better big sister. 
We are getting through it together. It's hard! It sucks! I'm scared everyday! I'm sick of the hospital! I hate some nurses! I'm sick of all the cords and monitors, I just want to hold my baby without them! But we carry on, move forward. 

And, We just learned yesterday she WILL need another surgery in the immediate future. So I will have to do it all over again...

Sometimes I feel like my heart feels so heavy and broken so sick that it just can't take much more. And then another day goes by another milestone is met another meeting with the doctors are endured. And I only get through it with God and his holy Son. 


Anonymous said...

I have kept updated with your blog and instagram over the past months and am so inspired. You guys are such a close family and are pulling each other through this tough time. So in awe of your strength, keep going the way that you are and i know that this amazing strength you all have will get you through.
Victoria :)

michelle louise said...

I found your blog through the link on your sisters, Dear Lizzy and just want to pass on my prayers and positive thoughts for Zuzu and you. Zuzu is so gorgeous and you and your family's strength and faith is so inspiring. I used to be a children's nurse here in the UK and wish I could help you. Sending love to you all,
Michelle xxxx

Lauren Howard said...

Sweetest post, made me cry. You are so strong ash she is the sweetest cutest little baby. Love reading your blog. Thinking and praying for your sweet family!

Anonymous said...

I have been praying for you and your family, I know God is watching over your sweet Zuzu and he will guide her through this, keep staying strong mom!

McCall said...

You are so incredibly brave and such an example!

tigerlille said...

What a trooper little Zuzu is. Just think, when this is all over she will have more energy and stamina, and will be even happier. Stay strong, honey, you are a wonderful mother. :)