The night before I wouldn't let her out of my grasp.
The nurses brought us into small room to get her vitals and talk about the surgery. The moment I saw Zuzu's new digs I could barley hold it together. Endless tears streamed down my face has I got her dressed. That was the moment it really hit me. In a few minutes I will have to say goodbye and hand my little baby over to doctors who will hold Zuzu's life and future in their hands.
We are getting through it together. It's hard! It sucks! I'm scared everyday! I'm sick of the hospital! I hate some nurses! I'm sick of all the cords and monitors, I just want to hold my baby without them! But we carry on, move forward.
She was so affectionate and cuddly like always. I had to Chanel powers from heaven to make it to a chair after saying goodbye. Luckily Chris was there to help hold me up and steady me.
They gave us name tags to identify us. I love being identified has Zuzu's Mommy.
They gave us a pager and updated us every hour. When this pager beeped my heart would jump out of my chest. Every time!!
I spent most the surgery outside distracted by these good supporters. The surgery went O.K.. It was almost 9 hours and was only supposed to be 4. So she has had a difficult time recovering from being on a bypass machine for so long. But she is! She was smiling and laughing yesterday!
These were all her meds that she had to be on. Now she is only on Tylonal and a dietetic.
And, We just learned yesterday she WILL need another surgery in the immediate future. So I will have to do it all over again...
Sometimes I feel like my heart feels so heavy and broken so sick that it just can't take much more. And then another day goes by another milestone is met another meeting with the doctors are endured. And I only get through it with God and his holy Son.